Old Nature Get The Best Of Me?

I did something stupid today. I was wrong. I feel pretty embarrassed. I hurt someone, not realizing that I was hurting them until later. Now, this person hurt me and that was enough reason to strike back, so I thought. But, I know better. I have been a Christian for a long time and a leader for almost as long. You would think that I would have drawn on all those years of training...those lessons on 'turning the other cheek'...do unto others...be constructive in your criticism...go directly to your brother if he hurts you (one that I 'conquered just recently and have been encouraging others to do, by the way). So what happened? How could I so easily forget?

Well, it's a little thing called my old sinful nature. You know, the one we are born with that somehow seems to cry for freedom at the weirdest of times? Yeah, that one. Just when you think, "I am growing. God is teaching me and I am finally getting it. Yeah, Go ME!" That's when it hits like a ton of bricks (or in my case one simple little innuendo that most people wouldn't even notice) and then "BOOM!" you're suddenly faced with the choice: do I respond out of emotion and only think of myself, or do I WAIT, PRAY, WAIT, PRAY, WAIT ON THE LORD, PRAY FOR GUIDANCE THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH THAT OTHER PERSON AND MYSELF. Hmmm....what to do? I'll go with the obvious and...strike back! 'Yeah, whoohoo. Feelin' the victory. That'll teach you to mess with me. You should have known better than...to...treat.........wait a minute...' And that's when it hit me. 

There is this wonderful thing God uses in our walk that can possibly keep us out of danger called the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Now, we are supposed to be listening for it before anything happens so that we can follow His specific instructions and come through a trial closer to God than before. Yeah...I didn't do any of that! I instead acted and then began to listen to the Holy Spirit. And He was on my like white on rice! (That's a southern term that I just taught to my friend from Indiana :) 

It started as a pit in my stomach and then it went through my entire body. I had screwed up! Royally! 'Oh, God! What do I do? I messed up! I wanted vindication. I wanted justice for the wrong that was done to me. What was I thinking? How could I be so cruel? All for 5 minutes of satisfaction.'

My mind began to race...'I need to apologize to ALL involved. But, should I tell others about it? Maybe people in the prayer group will know...maybe the band?' I started to wear it as a banner. Then I actually took a piece of advise that I had given to someone the day before, "...we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5) So, I did (Okay...so I'm a little slow).

God showed me how to make it right by asking for forgiveness, humbling myself, and taking the licks that are the consequence of my actions. So, here I am, humbled, humiliated and thankful that God would love me so much not to let me get away with doing something out of His will for me. He chased me right back to my place. But, I had to go out and pick my own switch (anybody remember that parental tactic? Very effective.). 

Anyway, this is something major that I learned today. Not that anyone else should get anything from this, but this was a true growing experience for me. 

"Lord, you are good to love me despite the ways I fail you every single day. You teach me and discipline me. You always keep my pride in check and offer me opportunities to learn how to humble myself even further. God, if this keeps you first in my life, then I welcome opportunities to grow. I love you more than life."