Invisible Children

Sometimes the world around seems too dark and too troubled to really be able to make a difference...so I thought. I've always been the one who turns the channel when I see pictures of African children starving to death as I'm sitting in my big red chair, eating popcorn, just trying to see what's good on tv. What a putz!

I received a Facebook invitation the other day to a screening of a documentary called "Invisible Children". I wasn't sure what it was about so I decided to do a search and see what I could find. I wasn't ready. 

Since having two friends from Southern Sudan, and supporting a church in Cameroon, I have become more sensitive to the problems, sufferings and atrocities that exist in Africa. But, this was hard to swallow. So...here's my disclaimer: If you have about one hour to spend...WATCH THIS. If you love children...WATCH THIS. If you love God and believe that every human being was created in the image of God...WATCH THIS. If you are suffering in your own personal circumstances...WATCH THIS. If you are not suffering in your own circumstances, but have wondered how you can widen your world view...WATCH THIS. If you don't mind shedding tears...WATCH THIS. If you don't mind feeling compassion, outrage, horror, empathy or any other human emotion that doesn't center around yourself...WATCH THIS. 

I won't soon be able to forget the faces of these children. I don't know exactly what God wants me to do or how, but I know that I can tell others. I can PRAY...maybe that's it. Maybe this is just a call to pray earnestly for these children, for the country, for a saviour...for our Saviour to be evident to these children. That God would show these children that, although they have not experienced much earthly love, that He loves them beyond all others and He cares about them. 

Just click on the link below and watch the documentary. It's grainy at best, but you don't need HD tv to bring this to life. Allow your heart to be impacted. 

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours." Brooke Fraser

Invisible Children

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3166797753930210643

Old Nature Get The Best Of Me?

I did something stupid today. I was wrong. I feel pretty embarrassed. I hurt someone, not realizing that I was hurting them until later. Now, this person hurt me and that was enough reason to strike back, so I thought. But, I know better. I have been a Christian for a long time and a leader for almost as long. You would think that I would have drawn on all those years of training...those lessons on 'turning the other cheek'...do unto others...be constructive in your criticism...go directly to your brother if he hurts you (one that I 'conquered just recently and have been encouraging others to do, by the way). So what happened? How could I so easily forget?

Well, it's a little thing called my old sinful nature. You know, the one we are born with that somehow seems to cry for freedom at the weirdest of times? Yeah, that one. Just when you think, "I am growing. God is teaching me and I am finally getting it. Yeah, Go ME!" That's when it hits like a ton of bricks (or in my case one simple little innuendo that most people wouldn't even notice) and then "BOOM!" you're suddenly faced with the choice: do I respond out of emotion and only think of myself, or do I WAIT, PRAY, WAIT, PRAY, WAIT ON THE LORD, PRAY FOR GUIDANCE THAT WILL BENEFIT BOTH THAT OTHER PERSON AND MYSELF. Hmmm....what to do? I'll go with the obvious and...strike back! 'Yeah, whoohoo. Feelin' the victory. That'll teach you to mess with me. You should have known better than...to...treat.........wait a minute...' And that's when it hit me. 

There is this wonderful thing God uses in our walk that can possibly keep us out of danger called the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Now, we are supposed to be listening for it before anything happens so that we can follow His specific instructions and come through a trial closer to God than before. Yeah...I didn't do any of that! I instead acted and then began to listen to the Holy Spirit. And He was on my like white on rice! (That's a southern term that I just taught to my friend from Indiana :) 

It started as a pit in my stomach and then it went through my entire body. I had screwed up! Royally! 'Oh, God! What do I do? I messed up! I wanted vindication. I wanted justice for the wrong that was done to me. What was I thinking? How could I be so cruel? All for 5 minutes of satisfaction.'

My mind began to race...'I need to apologize to ALL involved. But, should I tell others about it? Maybe people in the prayer group will know...maybe the band?' I started to wear it as a banner. Then I actually took a piece of advise that I had given to someone the day before, "...we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5) So, I did (Okay...so I'm a little slow).

God showed me how to make it right by asking for forgiveness, humbling myself, and taking the licks that are the consequence of my actions. So, here I am, humbled, humiliated and thankful that God would love me so much not to let me get away with doing something out of His will for me. He chased me right back to my place. But, I had to go out and pick my own switch (anybody remember that parental tactic? Very effective.). 

Anyway, this is something major that I learned today. Not that anyone else should get anything from this, but this was a true growing experience for me. 

"Lord, you are good to love me despite the ways I fail you every single day. You teach me and discipline me. You always keep my pride in check and offer me opportunities to learn how to humble myself even further. God, if this keeps you first in my life, then I welcome opportunities to grow. I love you more than life."

Hold On To Your Seats!

I am ecstatic! Today I started the Esther series from Beth Moore. I was really wanting to do this study, but hadn't found an opportunity. Then one fell into my lap. My mother-in-law called me and said that their women's ministry was doing this study and asked if I would like to attend. I automatically said 'yes!' and signed up. 

Now, if you know me, I have my irons in a lot of fires. When I thought about all that I have going on, I decided to back out at the last minute. It all started closing in on me...the time constraints, work that I have due, everyday responsibilities of ministry, helping out family members, yada yada. I know that it would be good for me to simplify my life and not to be too busy (a little late now!), but my spirit was still crying out for depth and I have experienced such a longing for more of God. So, at the very last drop-dead second I went. 

Whoa! Boy am I glad that I did. God, through His servant Beth, showed me that this study is exactly what I have been needing for this season in my life and here's why: God needed to show me, once again, how BIG He is and how much He loves me.

I have the usual run-of-the-mill insecurities. You know, I'm not adequate, I'm not smart enough, I'm not qualified, I'm not experienced, I'm not good at certain things...pretty much a miserable wretch. But, I have felt those feelings even more lately. And the odd thing is, as I have felt more of those feelings, God has put more and more responsibility on me. How could He give me more and more when I feel like I am less and less? 

That question was answered today in the first session of Esther. I don't want to give anything away because I think EVERY woman needs to do this study! But, I have to tell you one thing that stood out to me - What I feel IS NOT truth; What I read in God's word IS truth!! I often hear people (such as myself) say 'I feel in my spirit' and I don't really know for sure if that is our 'spirit' we are feeling or if it's just our emotions. What I do know is she hones in on one particular fact of every woman's life that we don't often address that has to do with the 'emotional' side of us (you'll have to hear for yourself). 

I know this is a little vague, and that is intentional. I don't want to give away the impact that this study can make in a woman's life...and I've only been through the introductory session! This is such a great way to start off the year. I know that God has great things in store for me and that He will use me mightily because that's who He is. Hold on for the ride, guys! And be prepared to be moved.

How Is Love The Answer?

'What?' you say. What kind of person would question if love is the answer? What a funny title and one would think, just in passing, that I am not advocating loving one another. But what I desire to question is what love is the answer and our use of love. 

Love is something that we all desire, we all need and what fuels us to survive the harsh cruelties of humanity. But we tend to use love to our own personal advantage. We position it in ways that will benefit us and uphold us instead of seeing love for the all-around truth that it holds. Yes, love is a choice and it is a command of God to love one another as ourselves. But, what if we don't truly love ourselves? Where then will we get the love to give to others? There's no well of love to draw from and whatever we have will soon be dried up by friendships and people just being human. 

So, where do we go from here? 

God showed me several summers ago (and I believe this wholeheartedly to this day) that we, as we are cannot love ANYONE in our own capacity. A surface love, yes. Maybe even a love that we believe to be deep and abiding. But, what happens to that love when hurt and tragedy invade? If we are operating out of our own capacity to love we will BE hurt and will remain hurt. If we don't rely FULLY on God to help us love one another, then our intention is just another ticking time bomb waiting to go off in our hearts. 

We must ask God to give us the love that is possible to love one another. Through that love only can we love each other for who others really are, not for who we want them to be. The greater challenge is to go beyond just loving one another, but to intentionally love those who we consider to be our enemies. It is easy to love those around us that we consider to be friends. It takes much more prayer, dedication and commitment to ask God for the love to give to our enemies. But, God instructs us to do just that. "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" Matthew 5:44 (NIV). 

We must acknowledge love has many dimensions and if we as believers in Christ do not accept love as the total teaching that Christ intended, then we are using God's word to fit our lifestyle and not allowing it to BE our lifestyle. 

So, how is love the answer? Human love, I don't believe to be the answer. God, who IS love himself, is the only answer. If we look to Him and intentionally ask Him to give us the love necessary for other people, then we can love beyond our human capacity and can have a love that is lasting. It doesn't sway with time or circumstances. It endures. God's love is the answer. 

I went back into my drafts section and found this post that I started over two years ago. I decided to post it because I often need reminding that Prayer and Praise are needed to battle depression.

No Princess Dance Camp?

Wow! It's been a month and a half since I've been inspired enough to write something new! I made myself a promise when I stopped freelancing that I wouldn't write just to write. I would only write something if I felt truly inspired, not just a bunch of jiberish down on paper (or in this case a screen).

My life has been great! Things have been going along swimmingly. We've started getting into a good groove at home; we've had a good schedule with the kids and work has been going well. My ministry life has been going pretty well, too. I've gotten involved with the prayer ministry after some huge revelations about my own prayer life and I have felt very used of God in the band.

No huge monsters in my way! Nothing more than the everyday trials!

But that was just it. The everyday trials were the very opening that Satan needed to get to me. I am a pretty strong person. I can stick it out through some pretty big trials. I can encourage others on a regular basis and stay positive through most things. Its the little things that tend to get to me. And I don't mean just 'get to me'. I mean depressed, down in the muck, make me miserable get-to-me. That is where I have been for the last two days.

I have felt it coming on for about a week. I would get these anxious feelings in my stomach and couldn't explain it. One morning they were so strong I thought I would be sick. Then, two days ago, it hit my like a ton of bricks. My daughter is supposed to attend a very special Princess Dance Camp that we have been anticipating for quite some time. We suddenly weren't sure if we could afford it. I was sick to my stomach again, but this time it was much worse. I knew what I was anxious about. All day long I thought about my circumstances, and the more I thought, the worse I felt. By the end of the day, I was miserable. I was in tears (very unlike me) and I didn't want to talk to anyone. Do you think I turned my questions and anxiety toward the one who could handle all of my problems? No. I just went to bed upset.

The next day I didn't wake up feeling a whole lot better. I decided that I needed to fast and pray so that God would help me to feel better about my circumstances. I didn't really feel God's presence with me, but I don't put too much stock in emotions anyway. I just hoped that the Holy Spirit would do the groaning that my spirit was too tired to do.

As the day went on, I didn't get any better. My attitude worsened. Things would happen and I became unbearable (Sorry Donna). I would pray in my mind every time my stomach would growl with hunger, but it was an angry "PLEASE GOD, WON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?" It was awful, not to mention that my blood sugar was getting so low I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was sick of being around me - what a miserable shambles!

Then I remembered reading My Utmost For His Highest that morning, and something it said came back to me: "When you give of yourself physically, you become exhausted. When you give of yourself spiritually, you get more strength." I realized that I was living in the flesh and seeing this as a physical battle, instead of battling this spiritually. So, I ate something!

A good friend reminded me that I needed to go back and remember that Satan is trying to destroy the most vital means of communication that I have...my prayer life! He isn't concerned about scaring me with demons or tripping me with the 'usual' temptations. He is trying to push me over the edge by separating me from my God. The anxiety I was feeling wasn't over my own circumstances, it was because I felt alone.

My daughter came to me the day I went home and had my 'episode' and saw that I was crying. She grabbed both of my hands and said, "Mommy, it's okay. God is with you. You are not alone. You don't have to worry." Then she prayed for me that God and His angels would protect me. Wow! A child could see it and I couldn't.

This morning I didn't spring out of bed, feeling exuberant and ready to start the day. My back ached from a fitful sleep and trying to keep my son's paci in his mouth (who, by the way, ends up in our bed around 4 a.m. every other night). My life wasn't 'all fixed' like I would have hoped. But, as I started my quiet time, I began to pray in my journal and the more I prayed, the more energetic I got. I started praising God for who He is and my heart became lighter. As I began to exclaim His glory my hand began to move so fast with my prayers it began to shake. I didn't even notice that it was already 80 degrees or that the neighbor couldn't get his car to start just about a hundred feet from where I sat. All I noticed was that I had found the remedy for my aching heart. I had found the very thing that I had needed two days ago. I needed to be reminded of who I am and that I matter to Him. The world around me can crumble, but He will still be holding me in the palm of His hand.

How amazing is that 'tiny' revelation? And to think it was all over

This is where the blog ends. I don't know what I was going to write next, but I do know that God is faithful. He did provide for my daughter to go to Princess Dance Camp, and she LOVED it!

Out of Control?

As we look around this world in which we exist, those of us who know God on a very personal level know that we will not truly 'live' until we see Him face-to-face. Until that day, we are forced to 'live' in a world where very unfortunate things happen. Not necessarily for any particular reason or purpose, but just because we live in a fallen world. Hurricanes come and bring destruction, loved ones die, and life changes into a shape we didn't expect. What a morbid way to start a blog, huh? The unique and wonderful thing is that's not the end. Life doesn't end there. That's not the end of the rainbow.

God is in control. We have to remember that as life swirls around us. Nothing in His mighty hand goes unnoticed. What awesome hope to know that this life is not all that there is. This is not as good as it gets.

This week has brought a series of events that have happened, not to me personally, but to others around me. If I were without hope and not grounded by my relationship with Christ, I would think that the world was coming to an end...TODAY! This week I learned that one of my friends lost her mom. Another friend lost her dad. My dog of 13 years who still lives at home with my parents is not long for this world. This is the one-year anniversary of my friend's sister's death. My friend who is 6 months pregnant is now house-bound, except for work. And all of that is what is happening inside my little world. Looking outside, there is death and destruction in all four corners of the world. All of this while tropical storm Alberto works its way up the coast, bringing rain and floods.

Still it rings true...God is in control.

I can see His mighty and sovereign hand at work in people's lives. He takes the bad and harsh circumstances of this world and uses them for our good, ultimately working them for His good. My friend who lost her mom said that this is a turning point for her and she really wants her life to stand for something. My friend who lost her dad has been able to find some peace through meeting people who knew her father and seeing that, despite his troubled life, he was well liked, loved even. And he loved her very much. My friend who is mourning the anniversary of her sister's death is now able to help others who are going through what she went through. She is able to be there, quietly listening to others talk about their loved ones, knowing what it feels like to think if they continue to talk about them that they won't really be gone. No one understands that better that her. My dog, Roxanne, has suffered with a heart problem for several years and has finally been diagnosed with cancerous tumors. I don't know that you can find the silver lining around that cloud, other than to know that she will soon be in a special place and will be able to run and play forever. And my friend who is pregnant...well, even though she will be limited to resting and won't be able to do all that she feels she needs to do to get ready for her baby, she can no longer cook, clean, be out in the heat or any other strenuous thing. Hallelujah (If you've never been pregnant, especially in the summer, you won't understand this one)!

All of that to say that God's work is alive and well and even in the storms, literal and figurative, He is nuturing us and allowing us to grow. Hopefully you, too, will be able to see the places in your own lives where the circumstance was harsh, but God was there, compassionate and strong...positively in control!

Beautifying for God?

I'm getting ready to leave to go on a Prayer and Pampering retreat just for women. It's something I probably wouldn't ordinarily do. The prayer part, yeah, I need it. But, I have never been one for pampering myself. Why? Well, pampering to me always seemed very self-indulgent. Why should I spend the money on 'pampering' myself, getting a massage, getting my eyebrows waxed, etc. when there are so many other 'wise' uses for my time and money? The one luxury I allowed myself was to have my nails done, and even then I didn't get them done as often as I should. I always felt guilty. But, I thought, "well, if everything else looks bad, it won't matter 'cause at least my nails look good."

That reasoning seemed to resonate in my spiritual life, as well. I have always spent just enough time 'beautifying' my heart for God so that at least one area of my life looked good. Sure, I've had retreats alone with God, where I've spent hours in the mountains or on the beach, praying and reading. But, I don't think I have done that strictly for the purpose of beautifying myself for God. It's always been about me. My time with God. Getting my life in order, and so on. I am learning that it's not about my time with God, but about His time with me. That's the key! He is the orchestrator of this whole relationship...yeah, He gave me the freewill to chose to follow Him, but when I gave Him my heart, I also (supposedly) gave Him the keys to my life, as well. He is now in control and that certainly takes the pressure off of me. So, why shouldn't I spend time "beautifying" my whole self for God? Is He worth that?

I guess I was right when I said that pampering can be self-indulgent when you look at it the way I did. But, when we switch our focus from ourselves to others that we love, it becomes an act of service. It can become an act of worship. At least that's what I hope will happen this weekend.

So, bring on the massage, the pedicure and whatever else is going to take place. I'll suffer through in the name of Jesus :).