I went back into my drafts section and found this post that I started over two years ago. I decided to post it because I often need reminding that Prayer and Praise are needed to battle depression.

No Princess Dance Camp?

Wow! It's been a month and a half since I've been inspired enough to write something new! I made myself a promise when I stopped freelancing that I wouldn't write just to write. I would only write something if I felt truly inspired, not just a bunch of jiberish down on paper (or in this case a screen).

My life has been great! Things have been going along swimmingly. We've started getting into a good groove at home; we've had a good schedule with the kids and work has been going well. My ministry life has been going pretty well, too. I've gotten involved with the prayer ministry after some huge revelations about my own prayer life and I have felt very used of God in the band.

No huge monsters in my way! Nothing more than the everyday trials!

But that was just it. The everyday trials were the very opening that Satan needed to get to me. I am a pretty strong person. I can stick it out through some pretty big trials. I can encourage others on a regular basis and stay positive through most things. Its the little things that tend to get to me. And I don't mean just 'get to me'. I mean depressed, down in the muck, make me miserable get-to-me. That is where I have been for the last two days.

I have felt it coming on for about a week. I would get these anxious feelings in my stomach and couldn't explain it. One morning they were so strong I thought I would be sick. Then, two days ago, it hit my like a ton of bricks. My daughter is supposed to attend a very special Princess Dance Camp that we have been anticipating for quite some time. We suddenly weren't sure if we could afford it. I was sick to my stomach again, but this time it was much worse. I knew what I was anxious about. All day long I thought about my circumstances, and the more I thought, the worse I felt. By the end of the day, I was miserable. I was in tears (very unlike me) and I didn't want to talk to anyone. Do you think I turned my questions and anxiety toward the one who could handle all of my problems? No. I just went to bed upset.

The next day I didn't wake up feeling a whole lot better. I decided that I needed to fast and pray so that God would help me to feel better about my circumstances. I didn't really feel God's presence with me, but I don't put too much stock in emotions anyway. I just hoped that the Holy Spirit would do the groaning that my spirit was too tired to do.

As the day went on, I didn't get any better. My attitude worsened. Things would happen and I became unbearable (Sorry Donna). I would pray in my mind every time my stomach would growl with hunger, but it was an angry "PLEASE GOD, WON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?" It was awful, not to mention that my blood sugar was getting so low I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was sick of being around me - what a miserable shambles!

Then I remembered reading My Utmost For His Highest that morning, and something it said came back to me: "When you give of yourself physically, you become exhausted. When you give of yourself spiritually, you get more strength." I realized that I was living in the flesh and seeing this as a physical battle, instead of battling this spiritually. So, I ate something!

A good friend reminded me that I needed to go back and remember that Satan is trying to destroy the most vital means of communication that I have...my prayer life! He isn't concerned about scaring me with demons or tripping me with the 'usual' temptations. He is trying to push me over the edge by separating me from my God. The anxiety I was feeling wasn't over my own circumstances, it was because I felt alone.

My daughter came to me the day I went home and had my 'episode' and saw that I was crying. She grabbed both of my hands and said, "Mommy, it's okay. God is with you. You are not alone. You don't have to worry." Then she prayed for me that God and His angels would protect me. Wow! A child could see it and I couldn't.

This morning I didn't spring out of bed, feeling exuberant and ready to start the day. My back ached from a fitful sleep and trying to keep my son's paci in his mouth (who, by the way, ends up in our bed around 4 a.m. every other night). My life wasn't 'all fixed' like I would have hoped. But, as I started my quiet time, I began to pray in my journal and the more I prayed, the more energetic I got. I started praising God for who He is and my heart became lighter. As I began to exclaim His glory my hand began to move so fast with my prayers it began to shake. I didn't even notice that it was already 80 degrees or that the neighbor couldn't get his car to start just about a hundred feet from where I sat. All I noticed was that I had found the remedy for my aching heart. I had found the very thing that I had needed two days ago. I needed to be reminded of who I am and that I matter to Him. The world around me can crumble, but He will still be holding me in the palm of His hand.

How amazing is that 'tiny' revelation? And to think it was all over

This is where the blog ends. I don't know what I was going to write next, but I do know that God is faithful. He did provide for my daughter to go to Princess Dance Camp, and she LOVED it!

Out of Control?

As we look around this world in which we exist, those of us who know God on a very personal level know that we will not truly 'live' until we see Him face-to-face. Until that day, we are forced to 'live' in a world where very unfortunate things happen. Not necessarily for any particular reason or purpose, but just because we live in a fallen world. Hurricanes come and bring destruction, loved ones die, and life changes into a shape we didn't expect. What a morbid way to start a blog, huh? The unique and wonderful thing is that's not the end. Life doesn't end there. That's not the end of the rainbow.

God is in control. We have to remember that as life swirls around us. Nothing in His mighty hand goes unnoticed. What awesome hope to know that this life is not all that there is. This is not as good as it gets.

This week has brought a series of events that have happened, not to me personally, but to others around me. If I were without hope and not grounded by my relationship with Christ, I would think that the world was coming to an end...TODAY! This week I learned that one of my friends lost her mom. Another friend lost her dad. My dog of 13 years who still lives at home with my parents is not long for this world. This is the one-year anniversary of my friend's sister's death. My friend who is 6 months pregnant is now house-bound, except for work. And all of that is what is happening inside my little world. Looking outside, there is death and destruction in all four corners of the world. All of this while tropical storm Alberto works its way up the coast, bringing rain and floods.

Still it rings true...God is in control.

I can see His mighty and sovereign hand at work in people's lives. He takes the bad and harsh circumstances of this world and uses them for our good, ultimately working them for His good. My friend who lost her mom said that this is a turning point for her and she really wants her life to stand for something. My friend who lost her dad has been able to find some peace through meeting people who knew her father and seeing that, despite his troubled life, he was well liked, loved even. And he loved her very much. My friend who is mourning the anniversary of her sister's death is now able to help others who are going through what she went through. She is able to be there, quietly listening to others talk about their loved ones, knowing what it feels like to think if they continue to talk about them that they won't really be gone. No one understands that better that her. My dog, Roxanne, has suffered with a heart problem for several years and has finally been diagnosed with cancerous tumors. I don't know that you can find the silver lining around that cloud, other than to know that she will soon be in a special place and will be able to run and play forever. And my friend who is pregnant...well, even though she will be limited to resting and won't be able to do all that she feels she needs to do to get ready for her baby, she can no longer cook, clean, be out in the heat or any other strenuous thing. Hallelujah (If you've never been pregnant, especially in the summer, you won't understand this one)!

All of that to say that God's work is alive and well and even in the storms, literal and figurative, He is nuturing us and allowing us to grow. Hopefully you, too, will be able to see the places in your own lives where the circumstance was harsh, but God was there, compassionate and strong...positively in control!

Beautifying for God?

I'm getting ready to leave to go on a Prayer and Pampering retreat just for women. It's something I probably wouldn't ordinarily do. The prayer part, yeah, I need it. But, I have never been one for pampering myself. Why? Well, pampering to me always seemed very self-indulgent. Why should I spend the money on 'pampering' myself, getting a massage, getting my eyebrows waxed, etc. when there are so many other 'wise' uses for my time and money? The one luxury I allowed myself was to have my nails done, and even then I didn't get them done as often as I should. I always felt guilty. But, I thought, "well, if everything else looks bad, it won't matter 'cause at least my nails look good."

That reasoning seemed to resonate in my spiritual life, as well. I have always spent just enough time 'beautifying' my heart for God so that at least one area of my life looked good. Sure, I've had retreats alone with God, where I've spent hours in the mountains or on the beach, praying and reading. But, I don't think I have done that strictly for the purpose of beautifying myself for God. It's always been about me. My time with God. Getting my life in order, and so on. I am learning that it's not about my time with God, but about His time with me. That's the key! He is the orchestrator of this whole relationship...yeah, He gave me the freewill to chose to follow Him, but when I gave Him my heart, I also (supposedly) gave Him the keys to my life, as well. He is now in control and that certainly takes the pressure off of me. So, why shouldn't I spend time "beautifying" my whole self for God? Is He worth that?

I guess I was right when I said that pampering can be self-indulgent when you look at it the way I did. But, when we switch our focus from ourselves to others that we love, it becomes an act of service. It can become an act of worship. At least that's what I hope will happen this weekend.

So, bring on the massage, the pedicure and whatever else is going to take place. I'll suffer through in the name of Jesus :).

Well, it has finally happened! I've finally gone and done it. I have joined the millions who have begun to use that odd term that has become popular of late. I've started my own BLOG! I know, another blog to read...everyone has one...what the heck is she talking about...
This blog isn't really for me to post information that is viable to society...it isn't that I have something to say and I want to be heard...it is for my own therapy, really. I used to write, I used to love to write. I was pretty good. And then, life changed. I am now the mother of two small children and my mind is filled with songs from The Wiggles, Little Einsteins (although that is a fantastic cartoon) and other preschool shows and information. It's not that this stuff isn't important. It's just that I miss being able to write down my thoughts and sharpen my abilities. That is what I hope to accomplish here on My Venting Space. I plan to work out situations, put down my thoughts on matters and topics that I experience or see, and to just vent. That's all! If you happen to fall onto this page, and were expecting some philosophical prose on politics, religion or society, then I apologize. I am sometimes simple minded about things and often deep thinking is a luxury. What you will find is honesty and humble opinions. 'Nough said?